Many a times I feel it’s not me in the mirror. Have you ever got this feeling? I think it’s great that I am in a position to look at myself from a different point of view apart from my own. I know (or I think I know) what my actions, my words, my expressions look like. Spooky!
23nd Oct’13, it’s already midnight 12.52 am and I’ve just stepped out of a wonderful hot shower after a long drive…
It’s now that I’ve realized that I don’t like to mince words anymore. I either speak or shut the hell up completely. I would initially think almost about a billion times (at a speed of light) before uttering a word or putting anything up on a public platform. I was worried about “what would people think of me” or “in what light will I be seen by my classmates or colleagues etc.”. Maybe, I was not in a comfortable state of mind that I am in now; maybe I just cared way too much about everything; maybe I wasn’t sure if I will be accepted; maybe I didn’t know that it’s just me who has to accept me.
Now I stand outside my body, looking at me as a third person.
Though I come across as a confident (maybe overconfident for some) every time I step outside my door, but I’ve had my share of identity crisis, the times when I was not comfortable in my own skin. It might be the age factor (late 20s do bring their magic in calming you down) or witnessing too much of good and bad of life in a short span of time or just taking lessons from my own mistakes, whatever else it might be, I don’t see myself in the same light as I used you until almost couple of years back. I am not as possessive about me as I was 5 years back and I try to not take myself seriously the way I used to maybe a decade back.
Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!
Are you still with me? You have all my love but seriously! Do better things than reading these rants of yet another blogger born out of nowhere.
Explore the world, start with your neighborhood. Travel! If you don’t have a company, go alone.
Party and look at people! All kinds! It’s actually a lot of fun.
Laugh! Goof around! Be silly! Not everyone can be silly and it takes some special awesomeness to be insane.
And most important: treat yourself as third person and this world won’t be such a burden.
Still reading? Well! Then I have an obligation to continue.
As I said before, in my previous blog post, “I” is important and needs to be given the first, but not all
the attention. I try to look at myself as someone who either loves me or hates me. It’s an interesting exercise, just because it lets you understand the wrong in you and the right in others.
Not that, I bother to change much per others expectations (remember: you can’t make the entire world like or appreciate you), but it does help in getting a better perspective of me as a person and ease whatever bitterness, malice and maybe even jealousy looking to crop in the head.
World is an all Happy Place, you just got to change your perspective! It’s an easier thing to say, than to practice, especially when you are so scared that you decide not to share your thoughts, feelings and shy away from sharing your struggles at the risk of being judged at the hands of many and the unknown audience.
Like most others, I’ve too had my fair share of bad times. From family and personal losses, to witnessing good amount of criticism/ sarcasm (or maybe I was a tad bit extra sensitive) at every step of the way, I’ve gone through it all. Among all that, what hurts just a bit more is the statement like “I don’t consider you a competition”. You are forced to think and believe that you are not worthy enough and the person saying it is too good to even consider your presence. However, what you fail to understand is the fact that very same person might just simply be insecure or even jealous to acknowledge your existence.
I Accept: I am no saint but I am no liar either, so I don’t mind admitting that I do get a tad bit of sadistic pleasure when I see the person, who once didn’t consider me worthy her stature, still trying to figure out life in some corner of the developed world. Karma has its ways to make good with you and you got to enjoy the spectacle without trying to be a part of the deeds drama.
Feeling scared is easy; to not speak up is the easiest but waking up with a bunch of regrets is the toughest thing to go through. It’s when you risk everything, it’s then you stand nothing to lose and nothing can match that sans burden BLISS. After all, a homeless can only be this poor, what worse can happen to his home? What assists in having zero regrets is a promise to not treat you as ‘you’, but as a third person. To enjoy that extra freedom, you ought to be little less careful with ‘you’.
I am not suggesting to practice selflessness and I am not at all saying that it will get you a bunch of lifelong or hip friends to party with or will ease your zits or will make your daily job better; all it will do is, let you rise above the meager materialism and will get you extra serendipitous moments of happiness. You will be in a better place to admire yourself in the mirror (without obsessing about you) and amuse yourself with your antics and relish the offerings of the world and love of its people without feeling judged at every step of the way.
Being a Third Person in your own existence is ‘The Supreme Power’ that renders you fearless. I have met a very few ‘The Third Person’ powered people in my life. Did you get to practice the power yet?